The Secret to Getting What You Want

by Carol James

February 9, 2001

It's often so much easier to focus on what we don't want that we never quite get to what we want. The result is that we keep complaining and feeling bad about our situation yet never take positive steps to change it. The solution is to spend time considering what we really want out of a situation, then determine what is necessary to have it. After all, if we don't have a positive destination in mind, we'll be at the mercy of old habits, beliefs and strategies that keep us stuck in the same old groove.

If not this, then what? If you don't want the results you're getting, what are the results you do want? What is the solution? For instance:

• If you're feeling bored in your job, do you want to be involved in something exciting?
• If the problem is worrying about a deadline, do you want to feel confident in your abilities?
• If you're having disagreements with your boss, do you want to find a way to get along better with him or her?
• If you feel overwhelmed by your schedule, do you want to rearrange it, cut back or delegate some of your responsibilities so that you have more free time for yourself?
• If you're feeling incompetent, unimportant or unworthy, do you want to change your perspective so that you feel competent, important and worthy?
• If you are in an unhealthy relationship, do you want to find the inner strength to leave it and experience healthy relationships?

When you catch yourself feeling worried, impatient, frustrated, etc., you can transform the feeling and redirect your focus toward a solution by asking yourself these powerful questions:

1. What do I want from this situation or person? I want <insert name> to . . .
    
2. What would I like the outcome to be? I want the outcome to be . . .
    
3. Why do I want that? I want that because . . .
    
4. If I had that, how would I benefit? I would benefit by . . .
    
5. How would others benefit? Others would benefit by . . .
    
6. How can I see what is going on in a way that creates a win-win outcome? Everyone would win if . . .
    
7. If I were thinking, speaking and behaving as the person I keep saying I want to be, what would I think? What would I say? How would I respond? What would I do? How would I feel? What perspective would I hold?
    

Think of life experience in terms of one step at a time, each step being determined by your thoughts (beliefs), words and actions, which either bring you closer to the life you want or move you farther from it. It is who you are as you take each step that determines which path you traverse.

Which path have you taken?